Waiting for the sun

to peek out over the horizon

Waiting, always waiting, for what comes next.

.

For when the light breaks

so ends a season

Rich and full of meaning, added to the rest.

.

Sleep pulls my eyelids

draping darkness over sight

Telltale signs of a sobering sleeplessness.

.

The sun will be rising soon

peeking over the horizon

and I will rise, always rise, to challenge what comes next.

.

What have I to fear?

What am I dreading?

Is not my God on my side?

Then why this worry spreading?

.

My heart is unsettled.

My hands, unprepared.

The victory may be won.

But I ask that I be spared.

.

I am not ready, God.

But your new wine is still coming

I am not ready, God.

But the fire is already burning

.

Prepare me.

-Hello.

-Why hello there.

-Fancy meeting you here.

-Well, it was about that time. You’re graduating soon, aren’t you?

-Yeah.

-So am I! Except I’m graduating from college. You’re graduating from high school.

-Right.

-You don’t seem too surprised.

-I always wondered what it’d be like…

-…if your future self could talk to your past self. I know.

-That’s annoying.

-Sorry. What would you like to know?

-What’s it like? College?

-It’s great! There will be ups and downs like everything else but it’s going to be awesome.

-That’s good to hear. What do I decide to do?

-Well… that one’s a bit tricky. I’ll let you decide when you get there. It’s going to be a big leap of faith.

-That’s… unsettling.

-Don’t worry about it. You’ve got time.

-Do I have a girlfriend?

-Nope.

-Did I ever have one?

-Nope. Still single, my friend. Forever alone.

-…What?!

-Oh! No no! It’s…it’s just an expression from when… Uh never mind. You’ll understand later.

-Ok… Will I be any closer to understanding who I really am?

-You’ll take some steps forward but I’m still just as confused as I was back then. I think the difference is that it doesn’t matter to me as much anymore.

-Weird. Anything else I should know?

-Well…There’s quite a bit.

-…?

-Do you really want to know?

-Yes.

-Ok. Here we go: You’re going to get fat. Really fat. Your acne problem isn’t going away. It actually gets worse at some points. Your self-esteem issues will continue to exist. If anything, they get worse too. Your family is going to go through some of the worst times it has ever gone through. Financially, physically, emotionally, relationally… you’re going to be ripped into shreds. You’re going to suffer heartbreak and heartache like you’ve never known before. You’re going to work and study like you never have before. Sometimes you’ll go for days without sleep to finish things. You’re going to hate yourself at times. You’ll fall into deep depressions for no reason and not see any way out. You’re going to hurt, hurt so much. There is going to be a lot of pain in the next four years. Brace yourself because it’s also going to be inevitable. You can’t avoid it. You’re going to cry like you’ve never cried before. Deep, wracking sobs of grief and guilt, of pain and turmoil will grip your body more than once over the next four years. You’ll experience hate and anger at completely different levels, burning up your insides until you can’t contain it anymore. You’re going to feel debilitating, crushing guilt that will completely break you down. Pain. Pain is what’s coming, my friend.

-…WHAT?! That sounds absolutely terrifying!! Why is my future such crap?!

-It’s not too bad.

-Really?! You really think so?! Tell me what part of this is “not too bad.”

-Because pain is what grows you.

-What?

-Because pain is what you need in order for God to mold you.

-I… I don’t understand.

-You will. One day, you will. One day, you’ll look back and see that it was all necessary for the work that God has started in you to be seen to the end.

-…I still don’t understand.

-Haha that’s not something you’ll understand for a long while yet. Anyway… I think it’s about time for me to go.

-Already? I have so many more questions.

-I know. But I’m sorry. I really do have to go.

-Ok… Can I ask you one more thing?

-Yeah sure. I think I have time for one more.

-Do I really get that fat?

-…Er… I think I’m about 30 lbs heavier than you are right now…

-Holy… What the hell have you been doing?! Get off your butt and exercise or something!

-Ok ok… I’m sorry I’m sorry…

-Sheesh… 30 lbs?!

-Sigh…. Good night.

-Good night.

I believe that this is not a day for lovers.

I believe that this is not singles awareness day.

I believe that this is not a day of candy and hearts.

I believe that this is not a holiday.

Today, rather than focus on myself and my lack of a significant other or on my non-single friends cavorting joyously with each other, I focused on those who were not loved.

My eyes found them all over campus, the outcast, the downtrodden, the cold, the hungry, the helpless. While we celebrate the happiness and sunshine that love can bring, there were so many lost and hopeless.

Today was a busy day. I had a lot of work to do and I didn’t stop or give up any of my time for them. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I was some sort of saint. I wasn’t. But I did what I could. I prayed silently. For each of them. To one day come to know the love above all other loves. To the one love that will be eternal. To the one love that can fill every need.

I believe that today is another day I can glorify my God.

I believe that today is a day of joy and peace, satisfaction and comfort, no matter who you are or what your relationship status on Facebook says.

I believe that today and the rest of the days of your life can be filled with joy.

I believe that today I have the assurance of a love far greater than the love any human being could ever give to me.

I believe that today…

is just an ordinary day.

1 John 4:9-11

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another”

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!

“Jesus loves YOU and he thinks you’re PERFECT.” - Jesse Hahn.

That awkward moment when one of your facebook friends has a birthday but you can’t remember who the person is or you’re not sure the other person remembers you so you’re not sure if you should say “Happy birthday” on their wall or not.

I want to travel through time and space in a space ship shaped like a blue police box with a beautiful woman. PLEASE.